Lost.

It's almost a new year, and I'm completely lost.
I'm not sure what to do.
In a few months time I will be proposed to, and while I would say yes.. I'm rather fond of another man. I can't be a polygamist. I can't do this.
I just want to be alone sometimes. As of right now, I don't love either one like that. Why isn't it easy just to say no? My heart is breaking every day, and I just want it all to end.
I'm lost. I don't know myself anymore.

Wow.

Oh hey, Levi..

Okie dokie, so last time I was a bit depressed I think?

I'm a bit better now. Ben came over last night, and got along well with Ashley.
Ben is quite wonderful so far and I like it.

I can't get a real decent picture of him to save my life.
But he's 6'2, handsome, funny, and sweet. So there's that. :3

We watched a movie and he put me in headlocks and pretended to punch my face. Aww.

He also did this to me.

Ha ha.

Sooooo, We know I painted Dom DiCarlo's... Here's pictures. ;D

I don't have much else to say really. I found out I get a little over minimum wage with my new job. I added up the hours and it'll make me decent money. Better than when I got tips. Plus, I feel like I do less. Figures. I like being there, though. People are getting better, and I get some respect now atleast.

Ben is in fact pretty great, he made me laugh a lot last night and he seemed fairly happy considering my house has nothing to do. He passed up watching the game to come over, so that's a nice sign that he likes me. Now I really don't know what else to say..

Here's the ring he let me wear..? o_o

Woe is me.

I guess it's been a long time, huh?
I moved to Indiana, got a job, and live with my 20 year old cousin.
In the short amount of time I've been here, a lot has happened. I dated the wrong guy, befriended the wrong people, and realized that my life has no point.
I'm a waitress, where will that get me? I aspire to do very little. I've only ever wanted a family. Someone to love me unconditionally, and make me their wife. I belong in a whole other time.
I got my heart broken by the only guy I ever thought could make all this come true.
I'm not sure I'll ever get over him.
I have no real friends here, and I barely make enough money to pay my rent.
I can't afford anything. And I'm pouring my heart out on a blog that I haven't posted in for a very long time.
I'm worried that I don't have anything good to say right now.
I'm sad that this isn't even everything that is bothering me.
I'm just sad.